365 day

Bhagwan Hamari Jodi hamasha Aisa hi banaye rakhe. Aur Har saal ke 365 th day ye aise hi banaye.

Mai aur Mera Dost

Shimla ka Dost.

Shimla Tour

Ye Vadien Ye Fizae Bula rahi hai Hume.

Arc Object Coding Problem

Dear All

My self Manoj Singh. I am going to start this blog more usefull to those guy who have some problem in ArcObject. I will do my best to solve your issue. If you have any query regarding arcobject in development write a comment on this blog with your query i will respond you soon.

or you can mail to me directly

manojsinghrana@gmail.com or write a comment on this

Manoj Singh

I hope all you know about Manoj singh. He was in Kanpur since birth. He have completed his study from kanpur and he took his Master Degree(MCA) form Greater Noida and now he is in Noida working with a GIS Company INCA Informatics. Pvt Ltd.

He has completed his three year in INCA.

Gaurav Grigo

Gaurav Grigo is a young and dynamic guy for INCA. INCA is such a company where a fresher can start his carrer with lot of learning. He has learned a lot from INCA. He have shown his capabilities by fullfilling the jobs with full satisfaction. Following are good points of this guy
1. Young and Dynamic
2.Energetic
3.Always ready to learn
4.Great guy

I wish him a great success for his carrer.

Indian Television History

Television in India has been in existence for nigh on four decades. For the first 17 years, it spread haltingly and transmission was mainly in black & white. The thinkers and policy makers of the country, which had just been liberated from centuries of colonial rule, frowned upon television, looking on at it as a luxury Indians could do without. In 1955 a Cabinet decision was taken disallowing any foreign investments in print media which has since been followed religiously for nearly 45 years. Sales of TV sets, as reflected by licences issued to buyers were just 676,615 until 1977.

Television has come to the forefront only in the past 21 years and more so in the past 13. There were initially two ignition points: the first in the eighties when colour TV was introduced by state-owned broadcaster Doordarshan (DD) timed with the 1982 Asian Games which India hosted. It then proceeded to install transmitters nationwide rapidly for terrestrial broadcasting. In this period no private enterprise was allowed to set up TV stations or to transmit TV signals.

The second spark came in the early nineties with the broadcast of satellite TV by foreign programmers like CNN followed by Star TV and a little later by domestic channels such as Zee TV and Sun TV into Indian homes. Prior to this, Indian viewers had to make do with DD's chosen fare which was dull, non-commercial in nature, directed towardsonly education and socio-economic development. Entertainment programmes were few and far between. And when the solitary few soaps like Hum Log (1984), and mythological dramas: Ramayan (1987-88) and Mahabharat (1988-89) were televised, millions of viewers stayed glued to their sets

When, urban Indians learnt that it was possible to watch the Gulf War on television, they rushed out and bought dishes for their homes. Others turned entrepreneurs and started offering the signal to their neighbours by flinging cable over treetops and verandahs. From the large metros satellite TV delivered via cable moved into smaller towns, spurring the purchase of TV sets and even the upgradation from black & white to colour TVs.

DD responded to this satellite TV invasion by launching an entertainment and commercially driven channel and introduced entertainment programming on its terrestrial network. This again fuelled the purchase of sets in the hinterlands where cable TV was not available.

The initial success of the channels had a snowball effect: more foreign programmers and Indian entrepreneurs flagged off their own versions. From two channels prior to 1991, Indian viewers were exposed to more than 50 channels by 1996. Software producers emerged to cater to the programming boom almost overnight. Some talent came from the film industry, some from advertising and some from journalism.


More and more people set up networks until there was a time in 1995-96 when an estimated 60,000 cable operators were existing in the country. Some of them had subscriber bases as low as 50 to as high as in the thousands. Most of the networks could relay just 6 to 14 channels as higher channel relaying capacity required heavy investments, which cable operators were loathe to make. American and European cable networks evinced interest, as well as large Indian business groups, who set up sophisticated headends capable of delivering more than 30 channels. These multi-system operators (MSOs) started buying up local networks or franchising cable TV feeds to the smaller operators for a fee. This phenomenon led to resistance from smaller cable operators who joined forces and started functioning as MSOs. The net outcome was that the number of cable operators in the country has fallen to 30,000.

The rash of players who rushed to set up satellite channels discovered that advertising revenue was not large enough to support them. This led to a shakeout. At least half a dozen either folded up or aborted the high-flying plans they had drawn up, and started operating in a restricted manner. Some of them converted their channels into basic subscription services charging cable operators a carriage fee.

Foreign cable TV MSOs discovered that the cable TV market was too disorganised for them to operate in and at least three of them decided to postpone their plans and got out of the market..

The government started taxing cable operators in a bid to generate revenue. The rates varied in the 26 states that go to form India and ranged from 35 per cent upwards. The authorities moved in to regulate the business and a Cable TV Act was passed in 1995. The apex court in the country, the Supreme Court, passed a judgement that the air waves are not the property of the Indian government and any Indian citizen wanting to use them should be allowed to do so. The government reacted by making efforts to get some regulation in place by setting up committees to suggest what the broadcasting law of India should be, as the sector was still being governed by laws which were passed in 19th century India. A broadcasting bill was drawn up in 1997 and introduced in parliament. But it was not passed into an Act. State-owned telecaster Doordarshan and radiocaster All India Radio were brought under a holding company called the Prasar Bharati under an act that had been gathering dust for seven years, the Prasar Bharati Act, 1990. The Act served to give autonomy to the broadcasters as their management was left to a supervisory board consisting of retired professionals and bureaucrats.

A committee headed by a senior Congress (I) politician Sharad Pawar and consisting of other politicians and industrialist was set up to review the contents of the Broadcasting Bill. It held discussions with industry, politicians, and consumers and a report was even drawn up. But the United Front government fell and since then the report and the Bill have been consigned to the dustbin. But before that it issued a ban on the sale of Ku-band dishes and on digital direct-to-home Ku-band broadcasting, which the Rupert Murdoch-owned News Television was threatening to start in India. ISkyB, the Murdoch DTH venture, has since been wallowing in quicksand and in recent times has even shed a lot of employees. But News Corp has been running a C-band DTH venture in the country which has around 20,000 subscribers.

In 1999, a BJP-led government has been threatening to once again allow DTH Ku-band broadcasting and it has been talking of dismantling the Prasar Bharati and once again reverting Doordarshan's and All India Radio's control back in the government's hands. Some things change only to remain the same.

Play Your Music here

Tashan Song

Tashan is a film by writer-director Vijay Krishna Acharya and stars Akshay Kumar, Anil Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor in the lead roles. Despite all the hype, Tashan has received pretty bad reviews. Apparently there is no content in it. Honestly, after I heard the emphasis on "ishtyle" in their promotional stuff, I wasn't expecting much myself either. Seems like Yash Raj Films are committed to continue producing crappy films.Lucky for us though, music of Tashan is composed by Vishal and Shekhar who are focussed on quality. There are a few of good songs, and there are a couple of songs for Sukhwinder fans. I hope you like the songs.
(Learn How to Convert RM to MP3)(Direct Link - Right click and choose 'Save Target As')
Dil Haara / Sukhwinder Singh
Pooja Ka Tashan / Kareena Kapoor
Chhaliya / Sunidhi Chauhan, Piyush Mishra
Jimmy Ka Tashan / Saif Ali Khan
Dil Dance Maare / Sukhwinder Singh, Sunidhi Chauhan, Udit Narayan
Bachchan Pande Ka Tashan / Akshay Kumar
Falak Tak / Udit Narayan, Mahalaxmi Iyer
Bhaiyyaji Ka Tashan / Anil Kapoor
Tashan Mein / Vishal, Salim

My USA Trip Photo Collection

http://www.turboupload.com/download/cnqM8Na6Mku6/16_december_photo.zip

Rahul Srivastava

Rahul Srivastava is the part of INCA. He is a dynamic and young guy for INCA. He is overloaded with GIS Technology. He has following attributes

1. Work is Worship

2. Hard Working

3. Always smiling

I wish him a great success with his carrer.

Health Benifits of Choclets

Heart Health Benefits of Dark Chocolate:
Dark chocolate is good for your heart. A small bar of it everyday can help keep your heart and cardiovascular system running well. Two heart health benefits of dark chocolate are:
Lower Blood Pressure: Studies have shown that consuming a small bar of dark chocolate everyday can reduce blood pressure in individuals with high blood pressure.
Lower Cholesterol: Dark chocolate has also been shown to reduce LDL cholesterol (the bad cholesterol) by up to 10 percent.

Rajesh Negi

Rajesh Negi is my Teacher/Coach/Guru/Motivator/Consultant and a more then that. I respect him a lot. Since my First day at INCA he has given me a lot. When i as new in INCA, i was like a blank book. All the text/color/content are filled by Mr. Rajesh Negi. I am very thank full to him. I really acknowledge him. Thank you sir for being a wonderfull man in my life. He has given a lot to INCA. The project success gaurantee can be decided if it is in the hand of Mr Rajesh Negi.

"Anoop Mishra"

Anoop Mishra is a INCA Guy. He is from Allahabad/Pratapgarh. I have spend my most of the time with him. He has received a lot of appriciation from the first day at INCA. He is the talk of the town not only in india but in USA too. Some good points of Anoop's are

1. Caring Boy

2. Helping Nature.

3. Good Manager

"Jayant Rai"

Jayant rai is a senior guy of INCA. He have devoted his great carrer for the success of INCA. Now He is the hero of INCA. Some quality of Jayant ji are

1. Trully Leader

2. Analyzer

3. Catalyst

4. Problem Solving

I do not have any photo of Jayant ji alone so i am attaching Rai Family Photo.

LeaderShip Quality

A leader is someone who helps others do and become more than they ever thought possible. Leadership is about unlocking potential, whether individual potential or that of a group, company, or organization. It is not about telling people what to do, but inspiring them to see what they are capable of, then, helping them get there.
Leadership is a hot topic. An online search found 22 million Web site listings for the word "leadership." Why? Because good leadership gets things done. But the quality of leadership determines the difference between a team passionate about what they're doing versus one that is following orders.
Where You're Going
Effective leaders know what's important to them, what their strengths and weaknesses are, what drives them, and where to draw the line. Put it together and it boils down to a leader who has self-confidence and clear values.
Leadership Quality 1: Good leaders know themselves.
Knowing oneself is necessary when faced with challenges or ethical choices, communicating with those who have different ideas, making decisions, and identifying sources of satisfaction.
"We need to be clear about our own values, priorities, and preferences and not let someone else, or society, define them for us," said Marian Ruderman, a group director at the Center for Creative Leadership in Greensboro, North Carolina. "By clearly identifying those values, priorities, and preferences we can articulate what we want, develop benchmarks, and make better choices."
For Girl Scouts, the Promise and Law provide a solid foundation. That's why it is critical that every member start from the same basis. As Karen White, GSUSA Director of Volunteer Development and Diversity, explained: "The values of an individual must match the values of the Girl Scout Movement. We then encourage an individual's future growth through training, mentoring, and coaching."
It's by providing learning opportunities, both formal and informal, that Girl Scouts helps girls, volunteers, and staff members develop stronger self-awareness.
Willing to Commit
In addition to being self-aware, an effective leader is not afraid to take on responsibilities. Sometimes it requires putting the organization or group first—and keeping it there.
Cynthia Thompson, Chair, National Board of Directors, GSUSA, said, "I believe a lot of people understand what it means to be a leader, but the difference comes down to commitment. True leadership requires you to make sacrifices, including putting others before yourself."
Leadership Quality 2: Good leaders are committed.
"Sometimes our use of the word 'leadership' can put people off," said Gayle Davis, GSUSA Senior Director, Council Resource Development. "A potential volunteer may think 'I can't do that; I've no experience or qualifications.' When really what we're looking for is a mentor, a person who prompts others to be their best, someone who cares and listens, someone confident in her beliefs and is willing to be there."
What Gayle describes is a committed leader. For Girl Scouts, that means being committed to "inspiring girls with the highest ideals of character, conduct, patriotism, and service so that they may become happy and resourceful citizens" (as stated in the Blue Book of Basic Documents).
Spectacularly Unsuccessful
In his article, "Seven Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful Executives," which appeared in Fast Company magazine in July 2003, Sydney Finkelstein chronicles the characteristics of leaders who fail—not just ineffective leaders but those who have reversed the fortunes of thriving corporations. Which bad leaders placed high on this notorious list? According to Mr. Finkelstein, it's those individuals who think they have all the answers.
Leadership Quality 3: Good leaders know they don't know everything.
Believing that an effective leader is one who knows it all is one of the most dangerous misconceptions about leadership. Human frailty comes into play whether sitting in a cubicle or a corner office. So while the ultimate decision and responsibility may lie with one individual, it is incumbent upon her or him to gather information and trust others' points of view before developing a plan of action.
Cynthia Thompson reflected, "The most challenging element of leadership is to bring individuals together to move forward, but that's also the most rewarding. It's so wonderful when it does happen. To get there requires maturity to recognize that your way is never the only way."
A Place to Try
Girl Scouts offers girls and teenagers a safe environment to give leadership a try, to test and stretch themselves. Setting goals, planning trips and events, earning patches and awards, and organizing service projects, there's no limit to the experiences a Girl Scout can have.The critical component is girls doing it themselves, even if it means something does not get done or is done differently. For some adults, the latter is very difficult—especially those with tendencies towards perfectionism. But letting go is how mutual trust is built.
Leadership Quality 4: Good leaders are open to change.
Change is one of life's most obvious factors, yet remains one of the most strongly resisted. As Peter Senge, an expert on managing organizations, says, "Everything is in motion, continually changing, forever adapting." Effective leaders recognize the value of change.
Yet all too often, it's much more comfortable to ignore the inevitability of change and to keep things the way they've always been. Unless a leader's goal is to bankrupt a business or ensure no new members join an organization, that approach cannot work. Changes need to be anticipated and responded to if growth is going to continue. And that applies to minor changes, as well as major ones.
With Small Acts Come Big Things
There may be a time when one is called upon to take on challenges greater than one can ever imagine. Joan Weiner Jones, the current Overseas Committee Chair and leader of Junior Girl Scout Troops 1 and 17 in Kuwait can attest to that. This year, she and her volunteers have worked diligently to keep USA Girl Scouts Overseas active in the tumultuous Middle East. "Some of the small, effective acts of leadership are going the extra mile, when you think you can't," Joan wrote in an e-mail. "Setting the scene with small leadership acts gives you credence and respect when big things happen."
Leadership Quality 5: Good leaders go the extra mile.
Some leaders have a lifetime of small acts of leadership as extraordinary encouragers, strong organizers, good persuaders, or charismatic speakers. When it comes down to it, how we lead is a reflection of the characteristics and values that define who we are. As Juliette Low's brother, G. Arthur Gordon, told his audience at the 21st annual Girl Scout Convention in 1935, "Life revolves itself principally into what we do and what we are, the former largely controlled by the latter."

Abhishek Mishra

Abhishek Mishra is a part of INCA Family. Everyone Know how he handelled the project and moved the project in the way of success.

He is trully a leader, Anyone can beleive him blindly. One thing which i like that he takes responsiblity with full confidence and completion of Responsibility is the second quality of Abhishek. INCA need such a guy for his success. I wish him a Great success for his carrer.

Parenting: Communication Tips for Parents

Be available for your children• Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk--for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car--and be available.• Start the conversation; it lets your kids know you care about what's happening in their lives.• Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.• Learn about your children's interests--for example, favorite music and activities--and show interest in them.• Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question.
Let your kids know you're listening• When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.• Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.• Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.• Let them complete their point before you respond.• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
Respond in a way your children will hear• Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.• Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree.• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."• Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation.
Remember:• Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings, or help solving a problem.• Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems, and work through difficult feelings.• Talk to your children--don't lecture, criticize, threaten, or say hurtful things.• Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to step in.• Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk, and they may share the rest of the story.
Parenting is hard work• Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a mental health professional to find out how they can help.
For additional copies of Communication Tips for Parents, call 1-800-268-0078.

Anger Management

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You
TOPICS:
What Is Anger?
Anger Management
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay?
Do You Need Counseling?

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

Sudar Jahan Mera

Main , Meri Preeti aur TajMahal What a great and unique combination.